My Muse Under Moonlight

I watch you drift you know
in between the dancing shadows
of all the people walking back and forth
you're the one I want to know

Meet me down by the quiet riverside
and under the red moonlight
we could talk about the things
that cross our minds

but we never give voice to

Under the shade of this tree
i think about you in between
my other thoughts, always shifting
then i feel them lifting

Maybe we could go down to the river's edge
under a big silver moon tonite
and maybe we could rehearse
the things that cross our minds

that we never give voice to

Until that time i'm going to wait
close my eyes and lay back in this shade
come around when you can
and write your name upon my hand

Maybe you'll fall out of the sky
and wind up right next to me tonite
Maybe i'll finaly know what it's like
to lay in your arms under red moonlight

Maybe we'll talk about the things
we say outloud when no one's listening
Maybe i'll kiss your lips by that place
where the light of the moon has the rivers surface glistening

(* Po's scribbling on this poem: "I really
did have a bad crush and I really did see a red moon." No
reference to the place or who the 'crush' was * )

The Last Straw


I have and will suffer many things in the name of love
or friendship
but i will no longer suffer your incalculable insensitivity
oh, i knew you had some proclivity
for blustering about in conversations
and tolerating them felt like self-mutilation
at times

but you receive forbearance from your compadres and peers
out of hope
that what is good about you is what is actually real
but over the last few years
what is good about you has faded even in the light of
all of these friends and all of this love
and really

i am tired of walking away from you with anger inside me
and being quiet
and always giving you the benefit of the doubt
and always taking the peaceful route
instead of one quick clip to your jaw
that you deserve

especially since your most recent typically casual comment
a poor choice
a particularly poor choice of words that i think reflect
a deeper insensitivity that has festered in your neglect
to show a smidge of appreciation
to me, freind

and, freind, when you referred to the belongings of another
my heart
as ‘crap’ to be ‘hauled away’, well, you really blew it then
in one swift second, one revealing moment you wrote your end
and i will not bother to hear your protests
your self-defense

you stood nearly ten feet away and stared, unmoving
as i struggled
through twenty feet of thorns and nails and disease
you did not offer your hand nor did you assist me
and even this I chalked up to something other
than your shittiness

i kept you close and i did what i so very rarely do with anyone
i called you friend
and much to my chagrine i must now concede my blunder
i do not ponder for a minute if you will wonder
over my absence
but it is far better to remove myself quietly than risk
hurting you back

stooping to your level, that terrible blindness that has
all of the
sensitivity of a screaming chainsaw across shoulder blades
and i will not stand in nor bear the slights nor pains
you toss offhandedly at your friends feet
you really are an ass.

[ This is a series of short works by Thonatos. Each is a seperate
poem. My comments and impressions are conveyed on the Thonatos Bio site. ]

**************************************
here’s the sale of ultrahip
slam some smack and bite your lip
pierce the skin

you’re flawed and ultrahip

*************************************
Timeless
spineless
sinister testaments
hot death
stale breath
skeletal government
beat down
fallow ground
iron taste
wealth and waste
hard shove
good love
in spite of
timeless
spineless
sinister testaments...


****************************************
finally snapped
in love with life
see you under the waves tonite.

*****************************************
he opens the door
beckons me through
his passion and fire
split me in two;
one wants to go
one wants to stay
and both are willing
to die today.

*****************************
primate behavior
would they still care
if they knew your disease
or would they scatter
and climb the trees?

***********************
Thonatos, you wound me
It’s ok if you don’t believe
or think my plans are ill concieved
i may not win the prize
and perhaps for my trying
i’m a fool in your eyes
but if i take the gold ( and win )
i’ll give it to you
to show i forgive.

*******************************
you see the samaruai in my eye
the lover in my heart
so shift yourself out of neutral
and push it in to start.

Just Another Tourist

Amsterdam,

you greeted me with a flurry of noise outside the train station
car engines, trolley bells, bicycles ringing, and reggae music

you educated me with a neon invitation
to impair my newborn's vision and i took you up on it

the persian couple who owned a small cafe
where i drank my first dark beer and rested

i left, and passing back by saw them in the street
their faces bleeding and eyes wide with fear

victims of extortion and violent persuasions
i crossed the street and quickly left them behind

avoiding the brownstones in favor of the coffee house
the handsome young dutch men with perfect english

angel faces, as if carved by the hands of caravaggio himself
sweet smiles and patient tolerance of drunk tourists

did i indulge, oh it does not matter nor should it
i walked on clouds while i drifted through the city

i, of course, strolled into van gogh’s museum
and fell in love with his twisted visions yet again

the sunshine was bright around me as i journeyed
across the well kept campus of the university

comftorable enough as a stranger in a strange land
to hide in cafe vertigo and sip a beer in the cornor

listening to the dutch students and professors
argue over the worth of some underground film

i had been warned of all of your tempting vices
i saw the references but not anything so destructive

to drive such an old city down and out of existence
it cannot happen in spite of all the references

my muse seduced me into the second story of a music store
and in the dark and the steam I strummed our theme song

it was not until i was finally feeling some serenity
that i was overcome and knocked down to the ground

by a swell of so much humanity, a see of cold faces
thousands of people rushing in all directions around me

the tilting, the stilting attempt to shake this impact off
while waving down a cabbie to escape all of this

to return to my room, my safe harbor in the harbor
sliding around in the backseat of the cab as he raced

but no one was killed, no one was ever run over
by trolley or bus or bike or car or cab or scooter

as i sat on the edge of that musty bed and stared out the window
at your buildings and horizon and crowds and noise

i wondered if i had really come to know you at all
without ever having laid in the arms of all your lovers.

Tired of This Arctic Landscape

i don’t know you but i’ve passed through your shadow
walking behind you in the place where wild flowers grow
exchanging words and though i rarely pay attention
something’s puzzling me and maybe i should mention it

the world it grew so cold for me, i can’t remember when
and for too long i’ve endured this arctic wasteland
you look like someone that perhaps i could hang onto
i never know where to start or even what i should do

i’ve listened to the endless sound of my own thoughts
for so long now that sometimes i feel that I’m caught
with two left feet and no clever skill of shakespeare
so i talk myself out of trying to make it all clear

to someone else but someone else is a good beginning
to get outside myself instead of rushing to the ending
i wonder if it really would be so dangerous and bad
to just shake off this cold in some warmth you might have?

and maybe we could drop the banter for some quiet shade
a place to talk and see if an understanding could be made
a place where it’s just me and you and a clean, clear sky
a place i could find the time to be brave and explain why

i always walk soft and try to keep pace in your shadow
and my expression that says there’s things you don’t know
maybe i could explain that any start right now’s a good start
for someone who would like to feel the touch of a kind heart

but it’s possible i’ve grown accustomed to this cold chill
too accustomed to leaving action in favor of a standstill
and maybe i’ll remember, as always, at the last second
that i’m too weak and we are so very different

all these icebergs and howling winds that are my domain
for too long have been the sharp elements of my internal landscape
if i touched would you turn blue right before my eyes
or discover all my fears were just a part of this cold’s lies?

in a moment i think sometimes i see in your big smile
the possibility that i could sit beside your little fire for awhile
i don’t want more than a chance to leave this chilly cell
just a starting point and hope of abandoning this heavy shell

is it too much in this life to hope for gentle company?
is it something reserved for other people, but not me?
i can admit that somewhere i probably took a wrong turn
and ever since then i’ve been living out this slow burn

would you blame me for being such a lonely soul?
would you tell me i’d be better off living inside a deep hole
than look to you for just a little bit of your soft love?
would you laugh and say,”What were you thinking of?”

i wonder what would happen if i could really talk to you
would i be so awkward you’d say,”Well, are you through?”
would i make such a mess of trying to escape this winter land
that our passings would then consist of awkward conversations?

i guess for now i’ll be content that i’ve come this far
that i can walk beside you and strain to hear your heart
and feed myself on all of your small and innocent gestures
compared to wading through this deep snow they’re a pleasure

and in my mind i’ll imagine us under the shade of trees
no clever words, just your strong arms and us both at ease
in my mind with you, i am not so cold and not so lonely
for a few minutes i can pretend that you and i are happy.

till then, i’ll be brave and continue acting as i always do
till then, you’ll think i’d never really want you
till then, my freezIng soul will feed like a starving dog
on your every word and anything else you can think of.

i only want a little place, some orientation to start here
beyond the blue, jagged mountains, beyond the dark dear
beyond my crushing solitude, beyond my lonely life
there’s a rainbow and i can see it in your eyes.

Aries is Dead

chased the ram up the side of the mountain
tackled it and pulled its big head back
and sank my teeth into its windpipe
and spit the blood into the air

then i just lay there

chopped its head off and cut its tongue out
strung a hoof on rope to my belt
skinned it and wrapped its fur around me
then dug a hole and buried it deep

and had the gall to cry for it

deep snow coming up and all around me
the stain of blood and the smell of death
stuck in my clothes and in my hair
as i laboured in my walk to find my path

coming down the mountain, changed

bare hands orchestrated by some instincts
fired up after days in the dark forests
no sign of civilization anywhere at all
not outside and not within me

never going back down into town

the truth

Death comes to everyone
wherever we are;
on a bed of fine silk
in a mansion
in a muddy rice field
or a dirty street

so why are we all
so afraid to do
what we know will make us
happier than anything we think
we’re supposed to do
and really don’t want to?

eavesdropping outside a foreign cafe

you ponce
you twit
you snot
you shit

don’t tie me up with you
don’t claim to know me

You fart
you snitch
you rat
you bitch

don’t link me to
your wiggling circle

you crab
you bore
you liar
you whore

gucci up your clothes
twisting in ambition

you hairball
you fake
you snob
you rake

on the fat of pretense
your flabby soul grows large
on the bow of a sinking ship
you’re just the type to yell “charge!”
On the backbone of love
you dress freindship in grease
on your barbeque’s fire
you simmer your fantasies

don’t pretend you know me
to anyone who might listen

She, as phoenix

my phoenix rises out of the flames
out of the ashes
up out of the earth’s horizon
skyward

lift me up in your talons and over
the world below
fly ever higher towards the stars
above

out there where the air is silent
out there where there is nothing
but old light and drifting dust
quiet

she is my phoenix and she rules
my fatigued consciousness
her golden eyes, always watching
seeking

never ever with me always and till the end
only sometimes a large shadow passing
i run along in it
whimpering

I Can't Go There

Watching you disintegrate before my unbelieving eyes
like an injured plane twisting apart on a runway
but not nearly as quickly
no, not nearly as mercilfully

I must confess I can not bear to think of you
in those last days, that lingered too long
months, wasn’t it?
Yes, months.

My only hero, you will never stop being
in my heart, irreplaceable
i never thought, not in the darkest hour
I would watch you die in my arms

Even as I write it, my vision dims and blurs
my soul shudders and my fingers freeze
i cannot write about this
for one more moment.

Father Varmint’s Final Musings

with any luck son i’ll soon be dead
and all that bad noise that rattles in your head
will get sucked away with me on my run
to god’s gold road or maybe there’ll be satan

grinning real big like the cheshire cat
leaning against a streetpost and tipping his hat
to my wicked ways and all i done wrong
i might regret some things but i sure had fun

and if my easy living or wayward plans
kept you shivering and wringing your hands
i’m sorry for that but if it made you tough
thank me for that because this world is rough

and you can’t be certain about your closest friends
i hardened you up so you wouldn’t get hurt again
by anyone but me except here’s the worst part
i truly did love you from the bottom of my heart

i just spiraled down and so out of control
i had to leave you behind rather than take you down the hole
i fell into like a heavy stone
better for everyone that i did this alone

so now the end has come for me my kid
and maybe one day you’ll forget all the things i did
or spit on my grave, whatever suits you best
but you’ll have to get in line and join the rest

of some broken hearts i left in my wake
through my slight of hand and my very best fake
well i got hurt too but i took it on the chin
ain’t a one of us that’s so free of sin

that someone somewhere couldn’t come make a claim
that you betrayed their trust and smeared their name
and as you age you’ll find some things true
people will fault you sometimes no matter what you do

so shatter my memory if it heals your wounds
or find some compassion if there’s any room
in that heart of yours, unless it’s now too hard
you always were a quick learner and very smart

and hopefully kid that will get you through
and as for myself, i can’t die too soon
i’m old and i’m tired and i’ve seen enough
and it’s time to leave even if the leaving’s rough

so here i come angels or devils or space
whoever you are make sure you look into my face
when i get there, wherever there is
because i breathe fire and i kick and i spit

so treat me kind and i’ll treat you kindly back
but i’ll misbehave if you try to lay me on a rack
i’m tough and i’m mean and i gave this to my kid
so throw me in hell if you like but don’t you dare hurt him

because if i can i’ll make amends from the great beyond
a little wiser i’ll be and like a ghost i’ll belong
in between dimensions until that time
i see my boy again on the other side.

My Tormented Lover

He does not want me to love him
he does not want me to hate him
I guess I should feel nothing
but I swear sometimes, I start to despise
when he's in my mind
and then I just want to crush him.
I want to pull him in
then pull him in again
but he's pushed me away
and now how can I say
my heart's begun to stray
to all those very easy men?

Sweet Love, he shines, dear god
my head absorbs a blinding flash
he's naked in flames
and he's calling for me
the plea in his screams
to fulfill the dark dreams
of fevered embraces
I've been anticipating for years
for years
for years
you and you rythm
I will make you forgiven
In my love you'll be forgiven
for years.

South From Logic

This boy, he came from another universe
with a pocketful of wishes
and introductions rehearsed
and he carried with him a book
in a language, with a title
I still don't understand.

He rode with me in my car
we hopped aboard a desperate train
that went nowhere
and exposed us to the rain

This boy, left his fingerprints everywhere
and he drank so much
because he felt so alone here
he would repeat to anyone who would listen
that this world was not his home
and complained no one understood

We went South from logic
We went North into the tonic
and though my pain ebbs
it seems that his is chronic

That boy, said his ship was coming soon
so I led him to the port
as I said,"Good Bye", he whispered
"None of you really understand your origins
but if or when you do
you'll never be happy here again."

I went West from the port
would have caught the bus but I was short
no money left
a day late and a dollar short

That boy, he came from some universe
with a pocketfull of pain
and introdutions rehearsed
and that book
with a title
in a language
I still don't understand.

The Poem Ron Wrote Me

The time in which our friendship grew
is filled with grave despair
the place in which you trusted me
the worries that we shared
We joked and talked and laughed about
the future of our lives
and through it all I've learned to care
a better person I will strive
The time we've spent, the laughs we've had
can never be replaced
the friendship you have given me
with honesty in your face
I wish you joy and happiness
I know that in the end
time will pass, war will end
and I'll always be your friend.

(** Note: This was not written by Po Thonatos, but
was written to Po by a friend. Scribbled on the edge
of the paper is Po's handwriting: "Writing poetry
is not necessarily easy, if you're trying to write
above and beyond yourself. But the attempt is made
by many and when it's made in sincerity to express
some deeper feeling or meaning, it should not be
subject to the literary critics scalpel. It's too
fine, too fragile, too precious. When that expression
comes from a friend or lover - and Ron never having attempted
any creative writing before - it is that much more
worthy of protecting it from irrelevant disection." )

Yes, but you're attractive right now

That sparkle in your eye
that trance in your glance
sets the mood in this room
that says there's no room for mistakes
I bathe you in words like 'Brilliant'
and you shake your head and laugh
I laugh along with you
knowing that it's all true.
I try so hard to listen
to the wrenching things you say
but I find myself focusing
on the windows of your soul
It's too soon for you to realize
what a fraud I am
all of my flattering words
are just a bridge to touch your hand
The more you share your wine
the deeper I fall in love
will this alcohol betray us
so we wake up in confusion?
It's a chance I'm willing to take
if it's a chance you're willing to give
give today as our future
and tomorrow as a gift.

Facing the Death of Love

I stand here looking down at you
laying in the bed, you look black and blue
Every year we grow farther apart
I've never said it, but, it breaks my heart

but we've done nothing to change a thing

This lonliness has been killing me
and I mean that really quite literally
I feel weak and paralyzed
too strong to laugh, too weak to cry

now my memories seem like dreams

The seperation we have both known
has become a thing of its own
You left me, I left you
a few passing words between winter and June

every day a little colder inside

And now I have this one event
or one last chance to try and mend
to try to break this dam of apathy
to love the stranger I see in front of me

will Death wait for me to decide?

Please, Come Back

A country road between two fields of green grass
the explosion and fire of two stars crashing together
the sleepy tune of a slow rainshower on a cloudy day
these things bring to my mind
the memories of you and I together.

How our love was like the bright shining sun!
the gentle caress of a warm evening breeze
the brilliance of a rare gem glimmering
these pale in comparison to the love we held for each other

And like the conversation between two old friends
full of wisdom, joy, and quiet respect
the feeling I have for you remains unchanged
because you are as dear to me
as the life I often take for granted.

( **approx 1987 - this also marked the year of what
Po called,"The mistake of believing in beauty.", a reference
to falling uncharacteristicaly hard for one in particular lover.
This poem, as plea, "failed miserably" as Thonatos notes )

And What of Time?

If Time were an antidote
to all our ills
then in our twilight years
we would laugh as children
The strife, as fragile glass,
would break and shatter
and the remains not cut
when walked upon
Our bitter tears melt
as snow in the hotter fall
and refreshen the earth
to bloom in tender beauty
Yet Time is not this thing
we say it is
or hope it to be
in poems and song
It is a fragemented dream
wether happy or not
affected by our constant reawakenings.

With Ron

You said,"It's grey outside, and
I fell all twisted and torn inside",
as we stood there waiting
and wondering,
and the night appeared before us.

I said,"It's far away, bleeding me,
taking away my certainty
and will my thinking be the end of me?"

Like a drumbeat we steadied ourselves,
knowing we were slaves
to an ancient sickness
that chases any goodness
humanity dreams of.

In the face of this
our nobility thrives
because as brother and sister
we are bound by ties that heal deep wounds
in spite of the lies.

So, brother, go forward
and when your faith grows weak
and when your sadness deepens
remember you stood once in the face of doom
and survived
and helped others survive.

After Saturday, Before Monday
Seven thousand miles
you waited for me
you're where I wanted to be
I'll be there Sunday
No other day can compare
I won't go anywhere
on Sunday
I sense no harm
when I'm in your arms
on Sunday
I'll never leave
if you'll just believe
it's Sunday

Empty Gestures

Maybe happiness is
better than misery
but I've tried and I've failed.
Arrogant defintions
I look in your eyes
and I see how much I love you
It's a sad day in this town
as people line up
to watch me marched through the streets
I will always remember
the very day I met you
and I dropped my heart at your feet

The small article I saw
on the last page of the paper
that kept it all hidden from view
Oh, it's a sad day
it's a heart breaking day
Because I'm marching down the street
to meet you.

The Pike

The amusement park near the end
of a street
was a haven for many undone

The whirly bird
the spinning wheel
and bumper cars

Releasers of stress
a twisted, rusty mess
turned out over the sea

Was a roller coaster
angry boys and girls
stood around in packs

The Pike, a claim many had staked.

Barkers sucked at the air
"Try your luck!"
a constant reminder of how rare luck is

Sticky, cotton candy
pink beehives, like eating asbestos
with three parts sugar

A big, smiling man
leans against a telephone post
and fleshes himself as "Snake Man"

Weaving in and out a sea of legs
running to the water
running away to home

A lost little girl stands crying
people look down kindly
shaking their heads good-bye

Brothers pinch each other standing in line
the bumper cars
a safe field to do battle

An old man and woman sit on a bench
licking ice cream cones
watching with unreadable eyes

The sun sinks now and the pace
slowing down, slowing down
The Pike alone again

LIttle chubby fingers gripping the gate
now uncurl sadly
and wave good-bye.

(**inspired by one of Po's neighborhoods, approx: 1981 )

Relationships

You strutted back and forth
back and forth
talking incessantly.
You were saying the same thing
in a thousand different ways
and my boredom was overwhelming.
You said you were trying to explain
to avoid hurting me
I was trying
struggling really
to pretend I cared.
I envisioned myself
flipping

the

table
or throwing you over it
just to add some action
to this tired drama.
I remember when you finally stopped talking
I kissed you then
and thanked you
and when I turned to leave you said
"Oh, you always do that!"

Elba and the Wolves

The wolves are growling
or is it that
their stomachs are rumbling?
Flashing yellow eyes
peer out of the darkness
do they notice
me backing up and stumbling?
The wolves are howling
I hear them
speaking in tongues.
Hearts beating like war drums
I have felt that predatory lust
it is clear
that they have won.

We have battled before
shredded and bloody
but I survived by cunning
these wild, royal hunters
ruled the world I lived in
and I proved it by my running.

Leon's Young Life Leads Him Out of London

Somebody picked you up
and sat you down
and said,"Look here boy
when I speak to you!"
Your eyes focused on the floor
Your hands gripped the chair
You knew one day
you would have to leave.
Running down a street
with your shirt torn off
and a gang of animals
coming up after you.

Someday you'll be the strong man
One day you'll be a big man
One day you'll take your life
into your own hands.

Bums

Stumbling down the street talking to himself
could have been a lawyer
could have been a doctor
Pushing that rusty cart
listening to the music
that spills into the street
from cafes that line it
Might've been one of them
Falling
Falling
Falling
lots of children around
just a loner lost along the way
no children to hold her
newspapers from two weeks ago
a bus stop bench pillow
not a care in your world
never noticing you
Spare a dime maybe a smile
not human enough
for the recognition of strangers
or just a benefit raiser
no red ribbons worn here
just little cardboard signs
no sensitivity training
just a bottle and a bag, if that.
Too much to consider?
Too heavy to dream about?
Wonder if you could fall through
the cracks that you skip over.

Mr.Mann

"My back can't stand this chair anymore!
And my ears are screaming for clemency
from your constant, pointless ramblings!"
the old man said.

("I'm sorry Dear." )

This dreamer dreams of other things
and places far from square one
( his home ),
where he grumbles almost as softly
as a broken muffler.
He is mad about his scramblings
and the fantasy plains he drifts upon
He bought boredom from a flower girl
he had always watched through the shifting crowds
and now
she is Medusa.

( **approx: 1982 )

The Invitation of Po Thonatos

The men in your world
mean nothing to me dear
and the women in your world
mean nothing to me here
When the edge of your sequined dress
swells across the floor
I'm brought down, before you, down
are there two queens in this town?

Our mothers and our fathers
and our sisters and our brothers
who are associated only by blood
( patriarchal parasites )
leave them in their blindness
put them behind us
( or a dungeon will do )

Your sparkling eyes uplift me
your snow white lips so soft
draw me, darling, draw me in
we'll build the family we needed then
the cast-offs of society
we'll enfold within our arms
raised glasses of sweet, red wine
drunk, in love, with all their charms

Let's huddle, let's cuddle
and paint each others nails
and all attempts to change us dear
for all their strength will fail.

(** approx: 1988, inspired by cabaret
shows of Berlin in the 1920's & Marlene Dietrich )

Ed

Ed is as Ed was
little boy sensitive
a grown man's imperative
to shut out all discerning thought
Love is a gentle dove
he strokes kindly in secret
he shoots arrows at it
when friends or foes arrive
Sadness breaks on his shore
his laughter dispels it briefly
his soul is as deep as mountain caves
He has tucked his thoughts away
I hush myself and watch the struggle
the whispering war within
the terror in standing alone
and lonliness is his closest kin
He doesn't fear what he says he fears
he refuses to spill his tears
the breakdown flirts too closely
to the surface he guards ferociously
Little boys die much too quickly
society breeds then condemns the sickly
he won't grow pale too soon
his white skin gives witness to his gloom
so he lays loyally under the sun
he ignores the danger in this vanity
too convinced it's the surface that counts
I can't help but question his sanity.

(** for Ed.R, approx: 1983 )

Untitled

There are no seasons as cold as this
there is no desert sun hotter
than when we, as enemies,
strive against each other.
No pain, no sadness, no inner fear
is more painful than
the tearing of our hearts
created by our contempt for each other.

(** approx: 1978 ** )

Early Works of Po Thonatos
Above:Experimentations in rhyme, meter, and
subject matter between the ages of
seven and sixteen.

Predator Pray

Predators, they have eyes on the front of their head
and I, I have eyes on the front of my head
Prey, they have eyes on the side of their heads
and you, you have eyes on the side of your head

And that is why I will chase you
and I will steal you
and I will cage you
and I will kill you
and I will eat you

Smarter beings walk on two legs and they stand straight
I walk on two legs and stand very straight
Dumber beings don't do these things, no, they stay the same
and you, you always stay the same

And that is why I want to find new game
something not so tame
I want to hunt and chase something with a face
a little closer to mine, maybe my own kind

I am predator, you are prey
oh, please try to run away
( I said,"Run now!" )
Please don't bore me
don't beg for mercy, No
Don't do me that way
I just can't mask the joy I get
from a shotgun blast
the smell of smoke
gurgling cries
I drink up the fear in your eyes
yes, I do

Because predators are OK and prey must give way
This is a fact of life
for my life
Now it's a fact of life
for your life.

(**From Po's childhood poetry, approx.1981, inspired
by a fictional story read on hunting humans and
breaking news stories of serial killers ** )

Porchlight

my porchlight shines from dusk to dawn
and beckons all bugs to light upon
its rusted frame and gilded mount
too many bugs to begin to count
when it's warm and the night is clear
i sit on my porch and remember here
of another light on another porch
and how it seemed the safest torch
i was young and afraid of my room
when the light went off i felt such doom
but there was one small saving grace
i had a window in a perfect place
my childhood porch had no chairs for seating
it wasn't used for drinking or reading
but nice enough, it still had a light
that shone through my window, safe and bright
alone and waiting to fall asleep
the light kept darkness from getting too deep
and just in time i would drift away
and open my eyes to another day
i'm older now and am rarely alone
i have a dog and a home of my own
we sit on the porch and thankful i am
that when the sun sets our light lends a hand

( work from Po's childhood poetry - approx: 1980 )

"Fine."

you need me to be wrong so that you can be right
and i need to do anything to avoid any fight
so pin the blame on me and i won’t resist
you get what you need and i just get this

a slow burning quiet, a blink of the eyes
a refusal to engage in anything that binds
me to do anything more than wait silently as
the storm passes by but this always has

left others wanting me to do what i can’t
to get caught up in the drama of some stupid rant
to believe that my feelings really matter one whit
i don’t believe that at all, not for a minute

so take what i offer because it’s all you’ll get
you be the good guy and i’ll be the bad in it
and you climb the ladder of reassurance and faith
and I’ll disappear in the shadow and haze

of something that was but now will never be
draw up your battle plans but don’t include me
i’m no good with people or whatever they need
so coast if you want or just kick up the speed

of your increasing disgust with my withdrawal and retreat
for waving the white flag versus fighting in the street
over something as stupid as a sentence or a point
that matters to you but that i can’t annoint

with dire meaning or some slick, oily words
that help the profane and the pure thoughts to merge
into one muddy meaning that never makes sense
i have no desire whatever to leave my mark in this

ever spiraling downwards, ever out of control
put yourself on a pedastal and me in a hole
if that’s what it takes to avoid all the stress
you can count on me walking away from the mess

before it requires that someone reels me in
or worse that i’m forced to talk about my feelings
because i truly do hate that and I always have
reference the steel wall or the hoover dam

and any other metaphor you can draw out and scribe
that will make my purpose more clear in your eyes
for letting you have the final word in anything you say
just take the gesture and let me walk away

so you can say you won and you can say i lost
and point to my withdrawal as the evidence of
how wrong i am and whatever else you think
that might help you to float and might help me to sink

down into obscurity but what you don’t understand
is that wether i fall or wether i land
on the bottom or top or in between somewhere
however it goes, i truly do not care

because down is up and up is down and really that’s that
i’m familiar with either and neither can stack
up enough fear or dread to make me fear or dread
i can sit with the living or i can sit with the dead

and given a preference to this intricate dance
of making a mess of things wether i sit or i stand
i’d rather be with the dead who don’t make me crawl
through mine fields of feelings or over the wall

of someone’s silly pride or Oscar worthy tears
and complaints that i don’t have ESP or have enough years
in my bobbing head or under my dime store belt
to magically know what was really meant or felt

when i’ve been spoken to and still misunderstand
and out comes the ruler for a smack on my hand
rather than all this, i’d just rather say,”Fine.
Of course I was wrong and of course you were right.”

and wether you really are does not matter to you
i know that already so don’t judge what i do
when i fade like a ghost and out of your sight
remember i am wrong and be content that you're right.

Brother In Arms and Alarms

Oh Ron, my brother, it seems so long
since i last saw you and we were gone
thousands of miles from our homeland
drifting around together through the sand

through a dream, surreal, but all too true
my brother in arms and i’d die for you
but then again, we’d both die for anyone
under the gun, under the sun, under a ton

of policies and decisions beyond our years
no matter how many fears or occasional tears
everyone had that same look in their eyes
whatever it takes, no matter what, whoever dies

to return you to your daughter, safe and unharmed
to return me to anything but those prayers and alarms
whatever i had i gladly shared with you
like my secret vodka we drank under that middle east moon

remember the little canary and those who complained
about its sweet singing, i still hear it in my brain
we’d say,”shut up and be happy about that bird
when it stops kids, you’re in for a world

of nerves falling apart and skin bubbling up
and no amount of cool water from any cup
will make you forget that one last thing
that you complained about a little bird who could sing.”

hey ron, thanks again for being a good one
for giving me that anthrax though i hated it some
what was the point? but there was no choice
ultimately there was only one word and one voice

I wonder about you still after all this time
your courage and kindness were strong, though sublime
your humble disposition in light of your skill
your strength and honour and your steady will

my brother in arms, i dream you always as happy
with a nice home somewhere and a strong family
and hope, somehow, you’ve forgotten us then
raids and alarms and bombs and such a fierce wind

i do miss at times the company of someone who knows
the reasons we are quiet and stare at our toes
when ridiculous questions come from the overly curious
the armchair generals spouting ideas that at best are spurious

i miss the company of those who purposely try
to forget as much as they can and avert their eyes
who would rather live peacefully in the here and the now
to lay down the heat of the weapon and return to the plow

and Ron if you do remember, i hope you still smile
how i’d do anything to make us forget for awhile
the rush and the push and the calamities of war
just barely dragging ourselves back through the door

for a few moments rest and a few sips from my stash
isn’t it strange how we could find so many laughs?
and we’d laugh at anything no matter how grim
no matter the odds and no matter how slim

that we’d return home as we’d left, exactly the same
and how expecting to was so nieve and insane
but crazy can’t be measured in the fray of all it
and i’ll tell you this kid, we had some true grit

forget all of this though as what matters is this
that i hope only the best for you, brother, and really that’s it
if i see you again this is what I’ll say, I think:
“Ron, you owe me some vodka, now buy me a drink.”
*****************************************************
( For R.C., wherever you are...)
*****************************************************

Pain is Reality, Reality is Pain

and the note tacked to a wall read:
"who will give me back my will to live
that died here a year ago?"

and the message in blood read:
"who are you to cast shadows
over my person that you do not know?"

and the frightened freind screamed:
"why do you suffer the cruel blows
of souls who pursue only tinsel?"

and the suspicious prophet whispered:
"he wants what he cannot have
and on gaining it, wants it no more."

and the tired judge spoke:
"my gavel only scars me now
and none of you are innocent."

and the strained earth shuddered:
"i have provided you a singularly unique home
and you have torn into its very foundation."

and the mourning lover dreamed:
"i have only ever existed
in your breath, but you breathe no more."

and the forgotten prisoner scrawled:
"there is no such thing as mercy
and true justice is an illusion."

and the many dieing sighed:
"every single moment, every one
was so precious, and now gone."

Voices Rise From the Stark Side of Town

Down here there's no one who ever really listens
Down here there's no one who really cares to listen

We come and go just like the snow
We disconnect and turn away
Never sure of what to say...

Around here, it's broken souls
Fewer dreams, more restlessness
Down here with broken souls
We sing our songs from bony chests

Each of us with one bad turn
live in shadows and feel the burn
Of daylight and bright, blue skies
and sleep like lovers with our lies

We come and go just like the snow
We disconnect and turn away
Never sure of what to say...

Jason's Way of Life

The breeze is blowing
the sun is bright
I'll walk around
and smoke a joint tonite
Drink some wine
with my friends
Does it ever get
better than this?

I don't think so.

See you singing
see you swaying
A big grin
while you were saying

La Te Da Da

Add it all up
it still comes down to
Not what you own
but who you have around you

I think so.

See you singing
my heart starts beating
even though
you're only repeating

La Te Da Da

What I Never Did Say

"Just go away" you said
"It's really no good." you said
and sunk your angelic face into
your trembling hands

"I can't live like this" you said
as you fell to the ground on your knees
you brought me down low
and i searched around in my mind

for the perfect answer
some delicate response to
tell you that things really
aren't so bad

but i said nothing as you
sat there crying and i really
am sorry that
i'm so far gone

your face was as white as
the light of a full moon
and i watched in silence
as you broke apart

when you lifted your chin
and i saw the pain twist your face
it scared me to my core
but i still tried to touch you

that was all you needed
that was the thing you wanted
a chance to lash out at me
so you slapped my hand away

if i had known earlier that
you just needed me to be a target
i would have happily stood there
while you cursed me and spit

"Why are you so cold?" you said
"Don't you feel anything?"
i do but i am never quite able
to find enough time

to say things as quick as you
to act as decisive as you
so you wrote me as silent
and you sealed me as cruel

even as i watched you walk
away from me for the last time
i couldn't find the words
to tell you my heart was breaking

to tell you that you're my anything
and that you really mean everything
and it's too crushing to think of
a world without you in it

now it's just memories
of you crying and disappointed
the end of the story
is always my undoing

Blind Date's Are Hell Defined

Stella, your brother
no, wait, let me finish
i was just going to say
he’s really fine

and he’s nice too but
i only went out with him
because you asked me to
please stop being mad

i never told you or him
that i wanted to see him
again and again and again
it was just that one time

there’s nothing wrong with
your baby brother stella
except that he won’t stop
calling me or knocking on the door

and because he’s your
baby brother stella
i haven’t called the police
or shot him in the face

now you’re harassing me too
is this some family trait
no one is allowed to feel
anything but worship for you?

so in doing a friend a favor
in giving up my own time
a friendship has come undone
and with it, a brothers mind.

programmed

write the program and embed it
never really gone for good
set it loose and turn it on
automated return response

locked and loaded in a second
complete objective, carry on
send the signal, shut it off
downtime boredom, blanked and done

directionless, an endless circle
waking up in endless loop
proper input fed and waiting
for proper output to return

systems down and now reschedule
leave them in a waiting state
nothing more and ever after
do not debrief, send them away

complaints bombard the hapless helpdesk
“Reports say they’ve changed so much
since their return. complaints are in sir,
that they’re very out of touch.”

He taps his toe and rubs his chin
"The risk is always worth the gain
the danger is accepted of course
but no one can control the brain.

Relay this message: all systems go
but really what do they expect?
of course they'll never be the same.
Just cut the families some appropriate check."

orders ending, set them loose
slam shut the door and throw the bolt
erase the path and camoflauge it
“they’ll self-destruct out in the cold.”

and now the program sometimes falters
and now the programmed walk around
in disconnected slumber waiting
while out of site the plane’s inbound

once embedded there’s a lightswitch
and with little effort it is flicked
up for on and down for off
listen closely for the tick

of time passing and measured counting
in some small part of the brain reserved
for a program deeply embedded
its own pathway along its own nerve

and those who know these things exist
walk in shadow from dusk till dawn
fingertip stretched towards the switch
for more carry over and carry on.

Running Into Dionysius' Sons

In my haste I blazed around the cornor
and stumbled into you
nervously pushed myself off
and there you stood
stunning me instantly

you cocked your head
and shot me down
with a crooked smile
beaming brightly at me
from a stunning face

without thinking i stammered
"My god, you're beautiful!"
and hearing my own voice
I mumbled nervously
"I'm sorry."

fast forward back to your apartment
fast forward then reverse again
your bathroom mirror fogged
i pressed your bare hand
onto the steaming surface

and outlined your fingers with my own
and here i pause that memory
of your crooked smile
and your chin on my shoulder
the low growl of your laughter

we slayed each other for six long weeks
with a priceless passion on
and all our common sense turned off
and though i slipped out unnoticed
and left my thanks upone a note

torn off from the paper bags
of take out food from that last night
it's true, i left a kiss there
on your golden skin
as you lay sleeping

yes my lover you were just another
accidental love sublime
it's not my senses that i came to
and i do not regret
bumping into you

And eve spoke to adam

you are the lightness
of heart
i don’t have
the courage
of a faith
i hope to posess
the limitless love
that i hope to feel

the father, the brother,
the son, the uncle,
the husband, the priest,
the friend
in perfect dreams
you are the man

the other side
of the same coin
and in harmony
god emerges

when the mystery comes
to hold your hand
when the universe comes
to greet you
you’ll understand
be happier
and on the other side
of the same coin
i’ll be heartbroken

because you are man
my father, my brother
my son, my uncle
my husband, my priest
my friend
who is always
with me
you are the man

Take A Dive

i feel like i could
take a dive
that's the easy part
but climbing up these cliffs
getting scratched and bruised
that's how it feels to get to you

tearing newspaper
tear along the crooked line
of our time
a little mustard on it
and i still don't have
whatever it is you need

mom says chicken soup
inga says it's speed
and lou says i am fucked
if i can't get it to bleed

you slipped the treasure map
into my empty beer glass
i'm starting to despise the blank stares
you feed me lately

( wish i were made of steel )

the cops came by with their smiles
i just felt the pain
driving up through my heel
it feels so real

and the angels with the greasy hair
really care about me
lately and i

( wish i were made of steel )

field recordings

you’ll never hear from me
and i’ll never know what you think
this world is not together
it bars us from each other

i am a load of sunshine
and mumble on occasion
i tip toe through the tulips
and read the reaper’s palm

time whispered a secret
into my dreaming ear
“i’m a friend to no one
and revel in your fears.”

and i’m a load of horse shit
a thimble full of taste
relentless, unfocused ambition
for dreaming of an island

if you’re really not sure
go ahead and long haul
leave it for the curious
to find your field recordings

i’m a load of unload
sitting by the fountain
always adding and adding
up the sums of your disdain.

come down from the stars, Mars

we walked around the towers
of England all season
pick up your swords there’s
a new king and a new reason
say good-bye to your homes now
because you’re leavin’
just fight the fight no matter
what you believe in

~ Come down from the stars, Mars

some of you will die
and that is the way it goes
swing fast and parry
and avoid the enemies blows
in the fray on the field
you cannot stare at your toes
and this is your life
till the king’s overthrown

~ come down from the stars, Mars


your payment is blisters,
fatigue, the cold, and the wet
if you survive the campaign
you can surely bet
you’ll return to your village
happy and well met
but the king’s not done in
so neither are you, not yet.

October 2004

It's All I Have

i want to put you down
i want to pull you in
i want to throw you out
i want to kiss your mouth

this is it
this is love

you piss me off
you annoy my mind
you're too damned cold
then you're first in line

this is it
you call it love

i'd rather have lust
than develop trust
and have you cling to me
for all eternity
i have nothing to give
that could ever live up
to your unrealistic demands
watch me wash my hands

this is it
it's all i have

all the love i know
is all i'll ever know

2001

Joe? He was really nothing

silence
your cold indifference
a little
untimely witness
to the strength of your stiffness

of spine
of mind
of the impenetrable walls
around your heart
i've no place to start
every path is either blocked
or posts a biohazard sign
threatening my every effort
so by your design
i resign

i don't pursue
or if i do
i learn to regret the attempt
you leave me and you keep me
in a place too cold for hope
too hot for my little rope
with no knot at the bottom
it's sweaty from my grasp
and rotting

Calling Good Evil, Calling Evil Good

Why does love come
in forms least expected?
Just so I can list reasons
is should be rejected?
It doesn't seem fair
and seems closer to cruel
to present such a test
that deems me a fool.

Am I to be damned
for falling prey
to Cupids hypnosis
his dance and his sway
Over all of my senses
leaving me numb
for feeling the pleasure
I feel in Love?

Will I burn in the fires
of Hell when I'm dead
for tumbling with you
around in my bed?
for feeling some peace
in a world full of wars?
for loving you utterly
inside of safe shores?

"Do unto others
as you'd have done to you."
So if Love's what we want
then when is it not the truth?
Should I hide in the safety
of neurotic fears?
or martyr myself
in a river of tears?

Or fulfill the ideals
of Stoic old men
who live in a shriveled
world full of sin?
who tremble with fear
from the 'Devil of Pleasure'?
but secretly wishing
they'd taken their measure

Of Passion and Need
and safe embraces
of fevered whispers
and playful races
to their lover's feet
and back and hair
to feel the life
that's living there.

When Love comes in forms
that make me pause
I think that I know now
what is the cause
It's some terrified, unified
alarm of the dead
blaming the world's ills
on two lovers in bed.

No Special Advice

There's no secret to living Life
no exact way
no direct line

You could settle for just surviving it
but then
why waste your time?

There are worse things in Life than Death
like telling lies
with every breath

Or hurting someone who's trusted you
or being hurt
and then being consumed

If you give it up give it up in Love
let it go
don't hold a grudge

There's nothing quite as sad
than to be haunted by
some past chance you had

Dream your dream, don't let it go
maybe you're there
you never know

Burst forth through Time like the rays
of the sun and moon
that light your days

The rain falls down on everyone
good and bad
old and young

I don't have any special advice here friend
except hold your ground
until the end.

2000

thunderbolt strike me
straight from the sky
electrify my heart
till the world turns around me
grab hold of my shoulders
until we spin
dizzy in love
you're a god and there you go

Faster you're flying
like a spaceship to Mars
and everytime I see you
I swear I see stars

you run with wild, red horses
they follow your lead
the strength of ten thousand Buddha's
lights up your eyes
like a fencer on speed
you're a white blur
and you run me through
run through me again

Faster than lightening
like a volcano exploding
the heat and the rumbling
and then I'm overflowing

run through me again
until I see stars

1999
**********************
(R.M.M. & B.R.T - "An event has happened, upon which it is difficult to speak,
and impossible to remain silent" - Edmund Burke )

His Buffalo Hooves

He is happier when
there is someone to put the blame on
his friends say,"Come on! Please stop it!
Put your hat on."
Princely and sparkling
designer, bubble-headed thinking
the air
the air is thick
and has been stinking

He has a noisy soul
white noise stress
break the bowl

Stop talking on Monday
or he'll come at you harder
His head is getting bigger
but he's not any smarter
From the bottom of his stomach
to just below his throat
his nerves are twisting like wires
and making him choke

Chest pains in chains
lips move verbal stains

He floats it in
insecurities running over you
like heavy hooves of buffalo
stomping the life out of you

His focus is on his musing
hands you his words
and you must read them
this exchange is not mutual and
he's too blind to see it

********
( for everyone's common asshole )
1997

Information System

We've got an Information System...

You can find anything you want
plan yourself a route to Guam
find the really cool people
and a bright neon steeple

I feel overloaded and undergrown
so informed and yet so alone
locked up in this big, square box
are the keys to all the locks

We have an Information System for you...

You don't need to go to school
in the real world it's just not cool
digital dates are where it's at
hide your face and all your fat
You don't have to hook up friend
stay behind and in the end
the world will come around again
this is now and here is when

It all comes around to you
hit 'Enter' or 'Search' will do
Do you see my face now?
Do you hear my voice now?

Death's Parties

"It happens sometimes" he says
"you know, the death of dreaming."
and we turned to the mist
of the morning dew, still steaming
Your funeral day, well,
I didn't leave quite human
unfeeling and distracted
wondering what we were doing

"Just stand still and say:
'I'm really very sorry'"
as he smiled like some
gnashing, grinning skeleton

I never know what to feel
as a guest at Death's party
Do I walk up and introduce myself
and say I find him charming?

My Ultimate Sin

Are you going to be my SugarFly?
Are you going to swim the sea?
Are you going to start the song?
Are you going to dance for me?
Well you're a candle light
in the dark hall of my heart
You're the Coast Guard on a stormy sea
just before I meet the shark.

Can I buy you a drink?
Can I tell you anything?
Can you easily forgive
the life I feel I must live?

Will you be my butter rum?
Will you be the cooling shade?
Will you be hot, on fire for me?
Will you give the love you've made?
Well you're a big Barbarian
who longs to dance gracefully
I will teach you and never fear
your secret is safe with me.

Can I hold you in my arms?
Can I feel all of your charms?
Can we promise not to promise?
Live somewhere close enough to honest?

Are you going to be the Long GoodBye?
Are you going to be a good memory?
Are you going to always search?
Are you going to be my symphony?
My soliloquey
My need for speed
My darling demon seed?
Are you going to be my roguish friend
My explosive end
My lust times ten
My ultimate sin?

2002

They Just Won't Behave

He says,"Let's go to the shore
it doesn't matter what for.
Maybe just to swim or drown
maybe just to leave this town."
He has that look in his eye
I think he wants to see me fly
I don't know the meaning of life
I think I'll find out tonite.

It's his face that I miss
and I'm running to his kiss
He'll hold me in his arms
dazzle me with all his charms
send me spinning to the stars.

There's a voice outside of me
filled with insanity
it says that I'm going to die
if I don't slow down
and give up my vices
it says I'm in crisis
it says a lot of stupid things.

I think it is hypocrisy
Dull yuppie mediocrity
the boring blandness makes me sick
I don't need to feel clean
I don't need to dig deep

I prefer the spinning
he keeps me grinning
and I'll pass out in his arms

He agrees with me
we whisper secretly
when no one is listening

He knows I'm listening
We know the meaning of life

j'etudie

The cigarette smoke drifts up in tufts
of light grey clouds
hanging silently around my eyes
as I stare at you.
Your voice is like background music
in a waiting room
full of welfare recipients and sick kids
and I struggle to hear you.

You say my actions are
blatantly rude to you
and your frustration simmers
as my anger boils
while I berate myself silently.

Another empty pack of cigarettes
turns into a crushed ball
I toss it back and forth
and fumble with it
while I wait.
Your voice is getting louder
and I begin to shut you out
like I shut out bad news,
I don't need the intimidations.

So

you

follow me around
while I search for more cigarettes
and the drama inside your head
becomes more and more exaggerated
Is this a challenge for you?
An exciting chase
trying to capture your runaway pet
to bring me back for more obedience training?
Do you want to love me
or disect me
looking and hoping for
some imaginary skeletons?

I'm blowing smoke rings
far more fascinated by their affects
on the air around me
than the rings themselves
I feel like I'm drifting
in and out
with the tides and currents
not quite grasping onto
the feelings between us.

Just keep talking
keep the music playing
maybe this whirlpool
will unwind
and I'll find something to hang onto.

1999

Through the Desert

Walking through the desert baby
bag of dirt in my hands
and the promises
of a million people
being crushed under my feet.
You call me a liar
and I'm too honest to deny it
You picked a great time to confront me
and drive me to my knees

You say I'll never change

We're all hanging on baby
by our dirty fingernails
to some broken dream
birthed by the bones of the vacant
Don't call me a liar
while you step on the necks of your peers
to get to the top
of a dirty pond
A dirty pond is what we're floating on

You say I'll never change
I guess it's true
I'll never change
just like you

Walking through the desert baby
new lover in my hand
And the dream of a passion
returning to me
is my only dream
The food I've been fed on
can't feed my soul
and a peace of mind
is my only goal.

Our gods will never change
Comfort and Convienience
Our gods are so deranged
and they'll never change.

1995

Dry Bone Valley

I was chased into Dry Bone Valley
I was chased by a terrible posse
they put a rope around my neck
and hung me from a tree
and left me to die in Dry Bone Valley.

A medicine man he cut me down
and took me home
he healed all my wounds
even healed my soul
He had lips like red wine
and golden skin
Eyes, as black as crows wings
hope I see him again

As long as it's not in Dry Bone Valley.

I dream of my healer nightly
and of his embrace
Everytime I close my eyes
I see his face
But the valley is a cruel fate
for a soul that's lost
If you want to love the healer
better count the cost.

He's the highest price in Dry Bone Valley.

Fly

FLY through my heart
FLY the clouds will part
Will they let your feet leave the ground?
Will they accept what you've found?

They say they have the answers
but they've never asked a question
in their lives
In their lives they never noticed
why they lost the joy for their lives

RUN I'll run like Logan
RUN I'll run to Ireland
I'll lay my head on your chest
don't need the answers,I just need the rest

They say they have all the answers
but they've never asked a good question
in their entire joyless lives.

Myths and Legends

From the shadows
of broken dreams
our love was birthed
by clear, cool streams
And darkness dissipates
as we grow close
all chains are broken
no shadows, no ghosts

And we ride through lush green fields
and the mountains kneel at our feet
Our love feels like myths and legends
standing together, we seem so complete

I see the moonlight pour around you
and your soul goes through my lips
We dance together beneath the stars
we get drunk in these moments of bliss

The path to our destination
is sometimes beset
by flying arrows
with poisonous tips
But our shields are strong
we don't fall dead
The love of our friends
surrounds us in our dread.

I will ride beside you forever
I will hold you in my arms
If darkness comes to decieve us
our passion will sound the alarm
So we fly on the wings of falcons
side by side, straight into Heaven
to the festival for all people
and then we go to be alone again

Let the cynics squabble about
what is false and what is real
Our love let's us wish them the best
Our love rules the lush green fields...

Why You Kept Coming Back

I'll lock you up in the deepest part of my heart
you'll never feel cold inside the warmth of my arms
In this life it feels like your trust never finds a home
sometimes you feel the uncertainty all the way to your bones.
Don't try to hide behind the familiar loves in your life
you may be scared but I see the desire in your eyes
I touched your face and I saw the pain start to fade
as soon as I left I knew that I should have stayed.
I'll keep it close if it's too much for you to bear
but I know you'll come because you know how much I care
I'll be your own long after the sun burns away
so come with me let's find a cool place to play.

Open your eyes and give this just one more chance
end that terrible longing, reach out for my hand.

Light to Spare

I want you to split me wide open
with your wonder tool and rythm shaker
Delicious yes, and vunerable before you
you've got the bite and I've got the flesh

Say hey Blue Baby
I've got handkercheif hair
and a very soft shoulder
I guess that's a dare
Say hey there Sun King
You've got light to spare
and with me and my shadows
We'd make a great pair

I feel you hesitate and try to ponder
but come back, just linger or wander
down my spine your soul sprays graffitti
in one gorgeous moment
the world's gone completely
in one moment
the world's gone completely

1997

Numb Man

Numb

Liquor Puh Lick You Lie

Flip a coin where will I land?
on the fence in the middle again
Penicillin taken for my heart
Play it safe right from the start
I'm so sane
in my uninvolved roles
I won't help
help
help
ease the pain in your soul
I play it safe
and talk a good game
safe, boring, balanced
but sane
I'm so sane...
*****************
( for Rob.L. )

No Escape

I sat across from him and looked in his kind face
and said,"Man, I'll do whatever it takes,
whatever it takes to leave this place..
I mean it man, I'll do whatever it takes."
He said,"There's no escape."
I said,"Your statement gives me pain."
He said,"That's too bad, it's Life
it's a yin and yang thing."
I said,"Forget you man, I can fly away
get on a plane and be in paradise today
some pretty beach where there's no one but me
peace and quiet by an azure sea."
He said,"Sorry friend, but I'm old enough to know
and it's true what they say,'You're wherever you go'
So go to the mirror and look yourself in the face
and say it outloud,'There is no escape'".

There is no escape...

I pushed back my chair, stood up and said to him
"I think that you're wrong and I'm gonna prove it Slim
Somewhere out there is a secret hatch
and when I find it Mister I ain't ever coming back."
He laughed at my back as I headed for the door
and said,"You go ahead and look to your distant shores
but I give you one week romancing solitude
before you come back screaming."
I said,"Then what do I do?"
He said,"Sit back down and face your fears
just sit back down and finish your beer."

There is no escape...

After a while he said,"I must tell the truth
I've been holding back and there's one thing you could do
go get a gun and point it towards your head
pull the trigger once, and you'll be dead.
But that kind of logic is just a little insane
so here we go right back to the yin and yang thing."

There is no escape.

run Horse, run

restless horses up ahead
pawing at the dusty ground
big shining eyes of brown
Equine, trample underfoot

the whip the rein the saddle
the rope the fence the corral
whinny, neigh, burst forward
Equine, trample underfoot

spirit breaker freedom taker
the push the spurs the pull
biped master horse enslaver
Equine, trample underfoot

rush forward fast and bite
circle round and flee
from lasso danger and spite
Equine, trample underfoot

Poetry Rules

Dear Poet,
Do not speak of Love,
instead, hit us across the face with a glove
embedded with thorns and spikes and things
speak of cities with broken wings
but do not speak of Love.

Tickle our ears with silky words
and ramble on to an audience that prefers
to tell you what not to say tonite
just do not speak of Love

Dear Poet,
This bookstore with a show commands
that you hold your tongue
and wring your hands
pay attention to your peer's demands
and never speak of Love

Hallmark cards are not worthy of those
who frantically search for hipper prose
to serve the snob with upturned nose
( swall this art in its proper dose )
But do not speak of Love

Dear Poet,
Ignore what is in your heart
and realise if you want to go far
in some tiny town wtih competitive goals
then you must wear black
and twist your soul
until you can speak of anything
but Love.

July 1993

For the Boy I Once Did Love

I swear by all that’s holy
i loved that boy so sweet
i loved him hard, indeed i did
then threw him in the street

blinded by my own ways
that are mapped within my soul
i never meant him any harm
no, it never was my goal

till my eyes spied you at dusk
standing by the sea
then the boy fell out of my heart
when i brought you home with me

the boy with eyes like honey brown
and you with eyes of green
and i disappeared into you both
never again to be seen

Then of course there was the other one
on the other side of town
with a body like a greek god
no choice then but to drown

but the boy i swear i loved him
and would love him once again
i cannot drink my guilt away
to hurt him it was a sin

and you knew he was my lover
and you knew i loved him true
but your love was my amnesia
and a fire that ran me through

i have the letters of my lovers
laying and gathering dust
The envelope’s never opened
they were written with such trust

i never wanted forever and always
but i’m devoted just the same
leave faithfulness to the nuns of god
let them speak of guilt and shame

for passion’s path is my highest road
it’s pull my slippery slope
and thinking they’ll be fine one day
my only truest hope

I swear by all that’s holy
i’d love them all again
Such joy they freely gave me
but many dreams do end

tell your father that you loved me
tell your mother not to curse
you were the boy i loved the most
and you could’ve done much worse

and know i dream you nightly
though i know i did you wrong
and if you ever need me
you know i’ll come along

for you were always my angel
and the others the devil’s ways
and i swear i was to you devoted
though indeed i might have strayed

do not send me anymore letters boys
your words are wasted on me
i swear i loved you every one
but you know i must be free.