Halo

lieing is as easy as stealing
cross yourself while kneeling
i'm sipping from a holy cup
filled with blood, i drink it up

lay your head on the table
speak the truth of cain and able
do you hear that echo?
do you have an extra halo?

i'm going downstream
i'm going to swim in the lake of belief
i have to know today
if your lies stripped away all my faith

when the skies break open
will you be at it again?
caught on judgement day
coughing up all your lies and hate?

i'm walking away
to where i'm not real sure
but i'm leaving and knowing
that there's no cure

for a heart fed on lies
this pain washed away
what was left
of my faith

February 2001

Pretender to the Throne

I'm the pretender to the throne
of the high drama in your head
a war zone
exclamation point
period
comma

You have race horse vision
and I have a feather in my hand
the cross drips blood
in sunny weather

I got my warning
when you said
"I hate jazz."
and I blurted it out
"Only morons hate jazz!"

Guess I've never been
a master of the language
that you love
Liars beg you to crawl
under the carriage
of an ill fitting glove

You say I shook you out
like sour milk from my mouth
but my tongue was just wrapped
around an urge to kill

The scales fell off of your eyes
when I said
"If I ever think like you
I hope they find me dead."

Thunder claps around me, baby
but that ain't nothin' new
and I just can't help it
if I fall all over you

mr.devlin

In my neighborhood
there was a man
who would chase you
all the way home
one day after school
he caught me
in his yard
man, i was scared
he chased me
yes he did
all the way
into our garage
no one was home

he said,”If i ever
catch you
i’ll crush your
pretty skull
and that’s a promise.”

hey mr.devlin
i just want to thank you
for the warning
and letting me
keep my head.
thank you, you asshole
for your anger
because now
i’ve made it my own

~ breathe breathe breathe
now suffocate
hide here, hide here
in the shadows
he won’t find me
no one knows ~

he’s gone now and i’m grown
but i still hide away
with my head in my hands
i just laugh man
last week i drove
by his yard
just to see what he
had been protecting

but there was nothing there
no home and no garden
no evidence of him
ever living
i stayed in my car
and i would have
if i had seen gold
piled miles high
in his yard

good-bye mr.devlin
you don’t always
have to be good
to be remembered
we remember assholes
all the time

March 1990
( For Rosemary, my "Socrates": R.I.P or give 'em Hell, whichever suits you...)

your wish has been granted

the last time you saw me you had cursed me to death
remember?
I remember
I laughed it off as your temper.

i still don’t think it’s about deserving bad things, yet
but i wanted you to know
your wish
almost came true and

let’s just say that me and bible job have too much
in common
of course, except
he got it all back

and if it’s me suffering bad that you really wanted
just thought
i’d let you
know your wish came true

let me know when you stop wishing though
not that
you’re the one
causing any of it, it’s just that

it’s like taking a bath with razor wire and
i lie
still but
i can’t lie wounded like this forever

so if you’re relieved that your filled wish is
satisfied then,
could you
please stop wishing or just wish me to death ?

june 2004

The Dirt Game

i have insight
i am honorable
i dig up dirt
and i spread it on the table
i’m on my toes
i am alert
if there’s a sore
i’ll make it hurt

don’t despise me
i need to lead
i need to win
don’t despise me

i love to spin
i make the truth
i’ve had this dream
since nineteen ninety-two
i have the hair
i have the clothes
i have my drone bees
shoving dirt up your nose

don’t despise me
my image
my image
don’t despise me

March 1989

Shaking the Admiral Out of His Stupor

Thirty-six years on a frigate out in the Adriatic
you and the white dust by your side
Yes sir, your wife's very lovely but she's been dead
for twenty-five years
Don't you think it's time you said "Good-bye"?
You want simple answers and I'd be happy to find them for you
if you'll buy me a ticket to the land
where they reside
I don't have any happy news to report to you
and I'm sorry for that but you must understand
I will not lie
When a violent mind and a trusting heart meet
you can count on one thing to happen
they will collide...

March 2002

stumbling distance

i feel a little wobbly today
like a needy dog on a very weak leash
surprise! surprise! blue faced
the social toll - Egad!
i'm breathing deeply
following spaghetti code
hit me with a feather hammer
in addition to this
familiar rumpled feel
a noble theif arrives

it's ok, i'm in stumbling distance

i read a suspicious menu
listed is a lethal cocktail
that will give me a coma kiss
einstein's squatters reassure me
the sucker fish are at the door
to introduce the sun dogs

it's ok, i'm in stumbling distance

the trolley safety pops
fourteen ninety-two and an eighties child
the chia pets begin to choke
i do a hip check with the rythm kings
they're so very retroactive
the great kazoo
attacks the movie junkies
tailor made for microdot
punch and judy say
the hoopla here
is for the locals only

it's ok, i'm in stumbling distance
and stumbling distance isn't that far

august 1997

In Fine Form

here i am in fine form
once again
caught me on a sellout day
you said i'd follow you anywhere
so you led me to a mountain
but i feel asleep and forgot my bag

peices of paper they scatter
amidst the horns and the chatter
aging, we get fatter
cut my feet on your teeth
- how unusual! -

put my thoughts in a shuttle
off to outer space
all the candles burn down
around the house
test drive the conversation
on your bad hair day

take the phone off the reciever
crucify me, the dumb believer
a can of plastic it could weave her
a silohuette rejects its profile
- how unusual! -

here i am, unusual and laughing
caught me on a good day
so come back later for a long night
alright
alright
alright

April 2002

The Silent Era

nineteen hundred to nineteen twenty-eight
many films made
many of them great
seventy-five percent of them gone
no more image to look upon

damn that silver nitrate

eisenstein, buster keaton
art and industry never at peace
stiller in hollywood
stiller catches sorrow's disease

black and white without a fight
represents it all
catch the angles
all shifting shadows

a pair of feet coming down the hall
hollywood sends out the call
implores the masses
the same old story, repetitious

art and industry raise your glasses

Masquerade of the Lonely

He bends down, picks up a dime
goes to the phone again
someone will answer
He'll listen, and sigh again
His thoughts echo endlessly
He'll scratch at His head
sorrow and pain will soak
the tossing around in bed

we're all like this
we're all a likeness of what's to be
the masquerade, the charade
the parading about in our underwear

He stumbles His way thru
a teacup, shotgun, sugar poison world
elegant, hopeless, and infinently sad
sand shit turning into a pearl

we're all like this
we're all a likeness of Him and me, and yes, you

1997

Erin, You Know It Is True

the ice man's coming
will he catch you sunning
yourself in the sands
that pour through your hands;
are you ashamed of who i am?
not irish, not french, not indian?
a filthy gypsy in your eyes
has been probed by all your spite
i love the harp but
i hate your lies

good-bye sister
good-bye mum
say good-bye for me
to your husband and sons
they've given you a robe
stained with a lamb's blood
gave me to the lions
and you so thankful
the end has come

don't shove the clover down my throat
then get angry as i begin to choke
the ice man came
and left with you
my mother, my center
and the death of me too

good-bye faithless sister
good-bye Holy Mother
you'll always have the company
of my gutless brothers
who struck the blows
that broke us all apart
i'll have my solitude
and they'll have your heart

The Ansa Machine

“Hi,
Remember me?
I never hear from you anymore
I was wondering what you’re up to.”

that’s not really a question

“So, anyway, you should call me.”

that’s a command, not an invitation

“I sent you an email. Did you get it?”

yes. it said almost nothing

“I sent you those pictures of us.
Do you remember that?
I think it was Mark using my camera.”

yes. they were taken six years ago.

“When was the last time we talked?”

when you told me to go to hell last year

“I thought we were close, you know?
I mean, how did we drift so far apart?”

you always did do all the talking

“Please call me back, ok?”

not on my worst day.

Omar Kahyan Was Nowhere To Be Found

savaged afternoon high sun sky
one hundred pound flour wind
mathematical trivial circumvented
popping eardrum headgrab

shifting sands black smoke
dieing brush road
metal carcass carnage
foreign money matters

twisted tongue tied
sewage soul sold
bigger badder bolder
cold creature crawl

fastest sack grab
macabre city marathon
sparrow fall unnoticed
fingertip button power

As on the Road to Damascus

With whip in one hand and an axe in the other
in my mind, I wanted to slay you my brother
with god on my side and truth in my soul
and no awareness at all of the rabbit hole

i fell into with all that hellfire and brimstone
and ready to cut you down right to the bone
i found with much chagrine while laying my plans
that you and i have the same wounds on our hands

though i was certain of your offenses and ready to fly
through the air with a side kick and a fist to your eye
extra magazines in my belt and a grenade in my teeth
the real truth blew thru and knocked me off my feet

and though your judgement might have waned for a time
and felt like a sucker punch that comes from behind
i, of all people, do not belong in a monk’s robes
and holy waters will never run over my toes

in my bitter crusade i thought i could clearly see your face
but there i was standing still and right in your place
and instead of looking into your black heretic eyes
i was staring into a mirror and instead seeing mine

my motivation was acquired and shrouded in blindness
to what had become such a hypocritical rightness
i lied first to you and then i lied to myself
which i hate most of all but i did it so well

i was right on the verge of throwing everything away
the angels of god and the devil fighting beside me in the fray
i would make sure in my world you would cease to exist
and somehow be relieved that i’d relegate you to this

but god or the devil or what is left of my heart
slapped me in the face and tore my plans all apart
and like the apostle who was knocked off his high horse
my reflection had revealed an utter hypocrite of course

i realized my railings and plans for your judgement
had only blinded my own eyes and fueled discontentment
reactions out of balance and plans to build fences
I thank whatever good is left that i came to my senses.

you, as hero

i am never what you need me to be
never where you really need me
you reek with disappointment in me,
in all your dreams and memories

you always need to be the wisest one
the shining, above, and up beyond son
the one who always gets the job done
always better than everyone

run as far as your mind will take you
you can’t take me along
fly as high as the wind will lift you
you can’t lift me along

i have always let you down
so put me down and out of town
run my memory into the ground
you’re always right, you’ve always found

you always dream you as the hero
putting off for another year or so
all the things you ought to do, you know
your calculated self-deceit all adds up to zero

but run as hard and fast as you can
leave me behind
travel like a bullet through a can
leave me behind
leave me behind

because
i’m never quite what you want me to be
never fit into your beautiful fantasies
never the ever loyal or always, faithfully
perhaps i am tired of you reminding me

I’ll never be, i’ll never be
the one you want, the who you need
your dedication to your righteous dream
will always and forever be
all you need.

August 2004

words for wegman

he fluctuates repeatedly
between his dreams and reality
i want to give him a magic wand
he could have wishes all day long

he’s the kind of guy who could go to hollywood
and people would tell him he has a gift and i wish
he could believe it,
he should

he tells me that i’m his friend
so i always wonder when
he’ll believe what i already know
if he ever does his cup will overflow

he’s the kind of guy who could hold
the fort all night, smile at the stars
and make them bright
for everyone

some say he’s self-centered
and sometimes he’s very bitter
i know what fuels his ego
an insecurity that often shows

he’s the kind of guy who reaches out
and pulls away when the doubt comes
and begins to decay
the kind of guy
who struggles to believe that it’s ok
to hang on to his dreams
that his friends really are what they seem
hang on to your dreams
cynics spread their own disease
when they talk, turn a deaf ear
keep your love and reject their fear.

open your eyes and see the sky above you
open your arms and love the friends who’ve found you
be aware, don’t put yourself in danger
but when you find love, don’t treat it like a stranger.

March 1999

Two Brothers Out West Have Their Last Conversation

“Shitfire, that man carv't out of gold came over the rise when the townfolk
at the church picnic't had jest about finished that
last peice o' scrapmeat and you damn well know it!!”
said Hank.

“We was shur Hank, that she't got 'way from them dirty
cuss tricksters las' time. Las' time she't had the gall to
make us all Sunday dinner too. We was so shur of it....”
said Jack

“I don't know nothin' 'bout that, nothin', an' don’t
go getting all philicksoftical on me 'cause
it's z'actly how I tell you done drunk too much.”
said Hank

“You 'member that time Hank? When we was,
where was we then at that time, Hank?
So long 'go it's har't to 'member now.”
said Jack

The last sliver of the purple desert sun set
beyond the delpidated wood porch of twin brothers that
raised themselves from the age of four
out in the middle of the bad West

”Well Jack, I'm think'in the time has come, Son
it's time I got m'self't outta here now
an' I jest can't figger how to take you along.”
said Hank

Like many lame dogs through their years
that each in turn had to put down out back
Hank put the muzzle to his brother’s head
and only, just barely, hardly shed one tear.

Jim Versus Death

do you see your toes at the edge of the cliff now
took you so long to get there didn’t it, but how?
no, it went by too fast and that’s how it feels
now you’re digging in hard with your heels
and death’s knocking patiently on all of your doors
and you can no longer completely ignore
that you’ll have a meeting out on that grey shore
one final meeting that you’ve never had before

it’s very strange then, isn’t it Jim
all the tedious boredom you’ve walled yourself in
ten years ago you decided to coast to the ledge
now you’re staring less and less bravely at the edge
you’re more conscious of all your faults
so you furiously dig through anothers’ vaults
and as if these desperate efforts are not enough
you’ve gone so crazy you wish they’d call your bluff

you weren’t content to laze under the maple tree
you wanted the rush of the creeks current, i see,
and just like a leaf you floated downwards
and to your chagrine found yourself among cowards
you know somewhere there lies a clue
and like a thug you want to bribe me to give it to you
and just like a thug your approach is rough
all of the sharp charm of a rusty ankle cuff

you feel your heels digging in against your fate
so you squeeze your eyes shut and again you ape
the same reflex you had when you were young
you believe it’s you against everyone or you’re done
you notice my movement because you know deep inside
that i’ve seen death up close far too many times
and keeping my mouth shut makes you want to shout
never fully undestanding that you have no clout

with someone like me or anything like death
busy yourself but there’s booze on your breath
you’ve always known what makes you happiest of all
but you set it aside and now you’re about to fall
into the place that all souls must one day face
you can love it or hate it but you’re not a unique case
i’ll offer you this: the last seconds are calm
unlike yourself, death hides no deceit in its palm

if you think you can beat it then do so, please try
you've got all those rubies and such a sharp eye
and that swaggering posture you roll through the room
has sealed many a deal and with your mind as a loom
you've weaved many words between yourself and the kind
who you've always wrongly percieved as so blind
i think your exact words were,"They're all suckers you know."
and with pen and a grin you'd show them it's so

now you come to me with all that fear in your eyes
and cruelly beg me to relive for you and define
the many last moments of the dieing and gone
nevermind the rocks and the racks it puts me on
and it's not revenge that makes me laugh so hard
it's that you're so near the end now and suddenly have a heart
just relax Jim, i told you, the last seconds are calm
and unlike yourself, death has no deciet in its palm

march 1993

Dylan’s Interview

You say you’re some predestined troubador
but who are you kidding you’re as much of a whore
as the kid down the street aching for a deal
and would lie just to be the mud under your wheel
when you curse and start kicking the cat
you’ll write about anything but not about that
propelled ever onwards by self-righteous disdain
you change the tuning but it’s just more of the same

your real gift is in pulling truth from
information available to everyone
and i guess you can call that divine inspiration
or it’s having the free time only managed by some
who run away from mediocre lives in suburbia
did your mom and your dad so badly disturb ya’
that in your deep insight you still cannot see
you created the majority of your own misery?

many years later you’ve set yourself up
for the tugging at your beard and drinking from the cup
of your humble wisdom and knocks at your secure, gilded door
but the real truth is you’re an infinent bore
when you bother to speak there’s a look in your eyes
that says you didn’t mean it, it was all lies
your quitting and spitting, your mad man’s disguise
has been exchanged, once again, for the bright neon lights.

2004

sticker soul


convienient
easy to apply
my sticker soul
breathes on the fly
twist off cap
corkscrew heart
i always put the horse
before the cart
here’s my ego
an ugly mess
my hands are always full
of all this stress
kill the buddha
knock it down
i’ve always hated
this boring fuckin’ town

you draw the line
that i step over
and push you down
beneath the clover
empty stomached
from the plummet
ever downwards
and what will come of it?

me and pedro
drove to the riverbed
he jumped on my board
fell off and cracked his head
now he’s dead
i blame myself
kill my common sense
for a walk through hell
cool and easy
to digest
scale my self-destruction
like everest
glue my lips together
with my fears
and bathe myself at night
beneath the tears

i draw the line
that i step over
and try to hide
beneath the clover
empty stomached
from the plummet
ever downwards
and what will come of it?

Feb 1998

Good-Bye To All That

When blue skies shone over the throne
Where Love and Hope once sat
Happiness reigned in my heart supreme
but you passed, well, good-bye to all that.

Once my feet moved fast, propelled by desire
before the roads broke, before the fire
and everything I owned could fit in my hat
Well, good-bye to all that

Out in the country, out in green fields
where the air breathes clean through the sills
of one little house out alone by itself
one log in the fire and one cup on the shelf.
Sleep is calm and as I’ve no alarm
for waking up or a tug on the arm
I sit on the grass and think back on the past
Well, good-bye to all that.

When arms were for hugging
when words were for loving
where there was no leaving
and no reasons for grieving,
when my word was my good word
when simple was good
when my heart was big enough for the hat
well, good-bye to all that,
good-bye to all that.

When hope and love were the shine in my eyes
before i had learned the importance of lies
before me as lion became me as rat
before i had measured the depth of my hat
when the night sky was still black velvet and jewels,
and it could be touched by both rich and poor fools,
before me as white dove became me as black bat
well, good-bye to all that
good-bye to all that...

Jan 2005

we are each our own damned devil

we are each our own devil
when all the things we see
become more real and priceless
than our own mortality
and when with gilded papers
we wrap our lives with care
each bow tied and card sent
simply painting up despair.
we are each our own damned devil
we feel both heaven and hell
heaven, that elusive laugh
in earth, our sensory cell.
and as birds move in their sky
and whales navigate their sea
we move within both space and time
upon two aging feet
but with the foot or grasping hand
each brave new step or master plan
no defeat, nor victory
can possibly outlive the sand
that flows, unceasing, through the glass
that measures all eternity
so we seek distraction and believe all lies
like devils forging illusory
dreams and hopes and acts and goals
most pleasant to ourselves and those
pretty wrappings and satin bows
just mere moments that we chose.
like devils running from god’s vast heel
when we’ve run just far enough
to stop and rest, to sort things out
we hear his footfalls coming up

only in hell would a devil believe
that all the things he surveys or sees
is exactly as it ought to be
so perhaps we’re as devils, you and me.